There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you.

They’re everywhere! Dirty hipster douchebags. Everywhere I go, they follow me, with their pretentiously ugly sunglasses and their scruffy, just woke up hair that they spent a lot of effort to get to look just right.

One development that I have noticed over the last few months that is especially disturbing is the hipster fashion sense invading church. Now I don’t want this to be an entry in which I criticize what someone wore to church. I mean if I was reading some Mormon Mom’s blog and she wasted everyone’s time with a rant about what immodest (read slutty) top the younger mom in Relief Society was wearing, I would probably have to vomit. But I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing here, so feel free to vomit at any time.

So I’m grinding through Sunday school yesterday in my lovely singles ward when I notice some incredibly cool guys in the front row. I got excited, because for a second I thought The Strokes had joined the LDS Church. Take that Snoop. But it turned out that these guys weren’t The Strokes, just a couple of douchebags that forgot to take off their costumes.

I’m not that guy that is looking to throw people out of church because they aren’t dressed well enough. I’m all about someone wearing jeans to church, because those are the nicest pants they have. But that’s not what’s going on here.

The irritating thing about the whole hipster style is its inherent, arrogant vanity. “But how can you cay it's arrogant when they buy their clothes from the DI?” Well first off, they don’t. They buy them at “Vintage” stores, which is just like the DI only $40 more. But to answer the pretend question, they are arrogant beyond belief because they wear ridiculously ugly, ill-fitting, cheap clothes.

“Doesn’t that mean that they are rejecting fashion demands? That would mean they are the opposite of vain?” No. Because the message they are sending when they wear powder blue tight pants, used black loafers with no socks, a plaid shirt and a skinny, pink tie to church is “I am so damn cool, I can where these obnoxiously douchey clothes and my coolness will still shine through. In fact if I didn’t wear this attire it would be like looking at the sun with your bare eyes. You wouldn’t be able to handle my coolness. It would consume you.” I would say that is an arrogant and vain statement.

Note: I used some variation of the word douche like 9 times in this entry. I really need to find a new word.