Friday, July 25, 2008

5 Girly songs I like and I don’t care who knows it.

You know the commercials that sell a bunch of crap you don’t want, being shown during a show that you don’t watch and yet they feature a song can’t escape? For example, a tampon commercial being played during Ugly Betty lays eggs in you head. Those eggs then hatch weeks later and you find yourself singing Wilson Phillips (nice hat Carney, you look like a Goucho) at the top of your lungs while driving to work. I hate those songs. Even if at one point I may have kind of liked one of those songs, by its sheer persistence, I end up hating it. Kind of like being friends with Aaron B (last name withheld since i don't want him to google his name and find out I didn't really like him) in 8th grade. He was a nice enough guy but he would follow me and my friends home after school. He would stay over until my family started dinner and I just had to tell him to go home. Dude, you are a ‘talk to you at lunch’ friend not a ‘don’t worry about knocking, call my mom by her first name’ kind of friend. Back off.

However, this is a list of Aaron B songs that I end up kind of liking. I never invited them over, but I don’t really mind that they stayed. The fact that they are all completely girly beyond hope is also kind of interesting. Perhaps I am more feminine than given credit. Perhaps this red blooded American man who loves his cheeseburgers, football and GGW infomercials (all they want is their father's attention the poor stupid things) really just wants to doodle unicorns and braid someone’s hair. I’ll have to give that a try sometime.

Note: This list by no means is meant to be my complete collection of femininish songs I like. In fact I have a deep appreciation for many female song writers and bands that feature female vocalists. For example, Ani Difranco, Rilo Kiley, Gillian Welch, Mazzy Star, Cowboy Junkies to name a very few. These are all artists I have genuine respect and affection for. The following is a list of crap, that despite being crap, I still reluctantly enjoy.

Now, with that out of the way and in the interest of humiliating, public self exposure that blogosphere (I still hate that word) is famous for, I give you five girly songs that I am ashamed to kind of like.

1. "Last Thing On Your Mind" by Light

For the love of crap, what is wrong with me? This is from an Old Navy commercial, for hell sakes. Although I was relieved to find out this wasn’t by Ashley Simpson. For some reason I thought it was and for about a week, I lived with crushing conflict of kind of liking an Ashley Simpson song. If that were the case, I would never admit it. In fact, what integrity I pretend to have would likely compel me into a ceremonial suicide to maintain any remaining honor. Just for fun, here’s a great clip of one of the more humiliating moments that liar’s career. It’s too hard to pick just one. Here’s another.

2. "I Love You Always Forever" by Donna Lewis

That’s right! I don’t care who knows it. Now it must be made clear that this is a list of songs I ‘kind of like’, in that I don’t wish them any specific harm. I have 80 gigs of music on my ipod, and this is not featured. But when it is playing in a supermarket while I’m buying frozen burritos, I find myself doing a slow shoulder shimmy to the chorus while mouthing the words with my eyes closed. I had a mission companion who would play this song while he pined away for his girlfriend. It was really a hilarious thing to observe. How many clichés can one moment include? So maybe that’s where my affection for this thing comes from. I was exposed to it during the enforced Michael McLean/Afterglow/EFY soundtrack stage of my music listening life. When you’re starving to death, sometimes a rotting dead cat can look kind of tasty. By the way, she dumped his ass like a month later. I guess his eyes just weren’t blue enough.

3. "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer

This is one I have a hard time justifying. There’s no excuse here and the chick who sings it is really weird looking. Let’s just pretend I didn’t bring this up. Let us never speak of it again.

4. "Precious Moments" by Three Degress

This one I am not as ashamed to embrace and it is featured on my ipod. This is classic 70’s soul, baby complete with the standard weepy string section. In fact, in the movie “Kill Bill” Bill references this as his favorite song. So how girly can it be if David Carradine likes it? He was Caine on Kung Fu, for hell sakes.

5. "Kiss Me Deadly" by Lita Ford

HA! This song in no way applies to this category. It is in fact the opposite of everything else on this list. I make no apologies for rocking out to this gem. She was in The Runaways. Lita is legit. I chose it mostly to cleanse the pallet of all that estrogen from the previous four songs. I was starting to get a menstrual cramp from typing all that crap. This song is here to illustrate that chicks can kick ass. Especially while crawling on the ground in a wind tunnel. Any video that features a keytar, random ice blocks in a warehouse and thong leotard with boots and matching kneepads is okay by me. Somewhere, right now, at this very moment, a weary Lita Ford is belting this classic out for a half sold out rodeo arena full of shirtless, mulletted GEDers who are wondering whether she has any tread left on the tires. God bless Butt Rock. God bless America.

1 comment:

Spencer said...

Um Marcus Manlius... I mean come on.