Sunday, November 8, 2009

Question: What's The Only Thing More Vain Than A Self Commissioned Portrait Of Yourself As A Centaur?

Answer: TWO self commissioned portraits of yourself as a centaur hanging above your bed. Two self commissioned portraits of yourself as a centaur hanging above your bed!? In case you have ever questioned that instinct we all have inside of us to hate Alex Rodriguez, he has given us all rock solid confirmation that he is in fact a douchy, ego maniacal, quasi homosexual jaggoff.

Observe.

Is this not reason enough to hate the filthy Yankees?

I read it on the internet so it has to be true. I mean it's not like some snotty, jilted ex would ever make something up to smear a high profile and thoroughly hatable celebrity and leak it to US Weekly. But you know, I really don't care if it is bull crap. I choose to believe it. The world is a better place in my mind when Alex Rodriguez's ego is confirmed to be so excessive and creepy that he paid what I imagine to be a sizable amount of money to a portrait artist teary with laughter to create such an abomination. And then do it again!

"Yeah, see the one I already have hanging there? I want it like that but better. No, I'm not replacing it. I'm putting the new one next to it. No, I don't want one to be humping the other. That would be weird. Just the two centaurs would be fine."

This is something you would see in hanging in one of Saddam Hussein's Palace.

It's a fair conclusion to read some homosexual overtones into this. A centaur is a very gay creature. First off, it's Greek. Secondly, it's a shirtless man torso combined with the animal most commonly associated with a huge dong. Now I'm not saying Arod is gay. I'm saying he's gay for himself. He would love nothing more on earth than to bang the hell out of himself. Not in a masturbatorial kind of way. But actually nailing a clone of himself. Of course, if he's going to play make believe than it isn't that much of a leap for him to want to do a centaur version of himself. Or be done by one. I actually have no idea how that would work.

So yeah. Alex Rodriguez is totally gay for himself. And Jeter. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Actually, all due respect to alternative lifestyles, I think it's safe to say that there is indeed something wrong with the centaur thing. It's only slightly more disturbing than banging Madonna or Kate Hudson. (Actually, Kate Hudson is adorable. But her movies are just too terrible. Almost Famous aside. But Madonna is just gross.)

While I'm bagging on one of the few sports figures to rival Kobe Bryant in his shear detestability, here's a link to an article from The Onion that I enjoyed.

F*cking Yankees.

3 comments:

Gregg said...

I'd bang Madona. There, I said it. Granted, I'd prefer 1987 Madona, but still, guilty.

The Blog's Bollocks said...

that's because you're also weird and gross, Gregg.

BusterBluth52 said...

Gregg, you'd bang a Madonna Centaur. With giant muscular arms and a Letterman gap.

But we still love you.