Earlier in the week, I celebrated my deep and proud Mexican heritage* para Cinco De Mayo. How did I do this? By driving a beat up, uninsured pickup with 12 people in the back? By making someone else's bed? By striking a pinata of Lou Dobbs with a sledge hammer? By wearing an over sized T shirt covered with that Gothic print that no one can read? By working way too hard for not enough money? (I think the one sympathetic hypothetical cancels out the racist ones.) No, I celebrated Mexico's victory over the crappy French Army by doing what the rest of us lilly-white Americans did; I put on my blue Mexican Barber shirt (a guayabera to the nongringo) and ate some Fajitas deliciosa. Not sure if that's an actual Spanish word, but it seems to work.
Now to get the marinade right, I had to squeezed the juice out of several limes. That presqueezed crap in a green bottle that looks like a lime is no substitute for the fresh stuff. As I quietly wept from the pain of my burning cuticles, it occurred to me that limes are superior to lemons in every way. Now I like lemons just fine. But everything that they are good at, limes do better. Observe:
Lemon Meringue pie; delicious. Key Lime pie; much better. (By the way, why doesn't anyone ever make Orange Meringue Pie? It would taste like a creamsicle. I'm gonna tinker with that idea.)
Lemon squeezed over grilled chicken; good. Lime squeezed over grilled chicken; far superior.
Lemonade; refreshing and tasty. Limeade; the greatest beverage mankind has ever conceived.
Lemon Starbusrts; disgusting. Lime Starbursts; pretty good but still not as good as the orange and cherry ones.
Lemon in Coke; kinda gross but my dad swears by it. Lime in Coke; tolerable.
Lemon in ice water; nice in a "wedding reception in the Cultural Hall" kind of way. Lime in ice water; invigorating in a "deep sea fishing off the coast of Cabo" kind of way.
Lemon on fish; essential. Lime on fish; well, next time you grill up a salmon fillet, squirt a little lime over chop up some fresh basil and sprinkle it on that bad boy. It will blow your mind.
Was it worth all the good-natured racism** for such a mediocre post? Probably not.
*Whiter than white. But I did take two years of Spanish in Junior High and I have mowed a ton of lawns in my day.
** Seriously, I have nothing but love and respect for our south-of-the-border friends. Except Carlos Mencia. He sucks.